Friday, April 22, 2011

How I learned not to jump at solid objects.

Today's post is guest illustrated by my darling friend Vez, who is also (or actually) my darling friend Rhea, who has a link to her Etsy shop featured on the side of the blarg.  Check out her art blog here! And now to our regularly scheduled program!
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In middle school, my logic centers were not nearly as strong as they are now. This is best illustrated by the time I went to my friend, Marie Silva's, house one summer afternoon to go play in her pool.  They had a giant pool in a screened in area and it was awesome because it had a diving board AND mosquitoes couldn't eat you.  So, we were all playing in the water and taking turns jumping off the diving board, merrily as can be.  It was her little brother and sister and the two of us, and playing in the pool turned from just jumping off the board, to a frenzied race to be first off the diving board, up the ladder, around the pool, and back over to the diving board. So we jumped, and swam, and ran, soaking the pool deck, scrambling back on to the board to jump off again, quicker and quicker. After a few turns of this, I got it into my head that the best way to get out of the pool faster was to jump closer to the ladder.  Unfortunately, there was some sort of mathematical failure in my head (I probably forgot to carry the one, somewhere).



In fact, my brilliant idea of jumping towards the ladder did not work out as I had planned at all and actually turned into gracefully smashing my face into the metal ladder, biting nearly clear through my lip, and almost knocking myself out, as my chin hit the step.



This is also the day where I learned the lesson that other people's parents don't want to take you to the emergency room, as I was ushered into Ms. Silva's car and driven across Miami, past at least three hospitals, where I was unceremoniously dumped on my doorstep so my own mother could take me to the ER.

 Once there, we waited for a several hours, with a sock full of ice on my face, so they could tell me that I didn’t need stitches because I failed at biting through my lip all the way, and I just needed a butterfly bandage and a better respect for the laws of physics.

22 comments:

  1. LOL *sigh* good ol' child hood memories!

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  2. I learned to not ride my bike at breakneck speed and make a sudden turn and that mailboxes hurt a lot.

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  3. I learned about skateboards and invisible wheel-stopping rocks.

    Also, your hair was really long when you were young.

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  4. YAY For guest artist Vez and blood and physics!

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  5. @Alan, it was indeed. My mom wouldn't let me cut it but once every couple years, and it came down to my waist.

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  6. Hair... *sigh* those were the days. I still haven't learnt not to do dangerous things that result in pain, and sometimes blood. I'm still twelve at heart.

    Cheers.

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  7. LMAO I did dumb crap like that all the time when I was younger. Like the time I literally forgot how to use the brakes on my new bike and decided it was a good idea to just run into a wall to stop (it didn't enter my head that I was going what felt like 8,000 mph on my brand-new-just-got-it-that-morning two-wheeler). It ended up with me having my head x-rayed and my Da bringing me home a nice, shiny new helmet the next day, LOL.

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  8. I lifeguarded for six years and saw this happen literally hundreds of times. You are not alone!

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  9. when i was nine,I learned that riding a one eyed arabian horse in the rodeo that hadn't been out in a couple of weeks leads to dirt surfing.

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  10. I learned not to climb out onto tree branches that might not hold your weight just because casts were cool when I was 10.

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  11. everybody goes through these phases. Turns out allright
    Menaka Indrani

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  12. I had to read your blog because I thought my daughter was the only one obsessed with cheese, cheeseballs, in particular. She uses that word as and adjective, noun, verb, etc.

    Congrats on the Blog of Note, (where I found you). You deserve it from what I've read. I look forward to following you in your blogging journey.

    I recently started and wondered what your most profound tip to me would be? hereslivinthedream.blogspot.com

    Thanks for providing quality laughs.

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  13. That seems like a stellar idea as long as you don't jump far enough to hit the ladder. Like, in the direction of the ladder, but not quite AT the ladder.

    This coming from a very accident prone person. I am (almost) ashamed at my clumsiness. I was not so much clumsy as a child, though; the only time I went to the ER before I was 18 was when I was pushed down a Burger King slide when my brother pushed my best friend (at the time) into me. My ear caught a nail. I had to get stitches. Unfortunately, I am virtually medication resistant- this includes anaesthesia. I still am resistant to anaesthesia, seeing as the last time I went to the dentist, I had 3 rounds of anaesthesia before they went ahead and did the fillings *without* anaesthesia. They also did the stitches in my ear without anaesthesia. I don't know how, but I tolerated it; I was just in a significant amount of pain.

    Re hair: I grow my hair out to almost waist-length, then I cut it, and donate it to Locks of Love in Florida. I'm working on my 4th donation right now- it takes about 4 years, I'm finishing year 1. As a youngster, I always wanted to have hair that was "longer than my butt" because a girl in my kindergarten in Hawaii had hair that long. I could never get mine to go past my waist, although half my family is able to do so (but they've never cut their hair). A girl at my internship (who is also in my graduating class at school) has hair down to her knees, but often wears it up.

    http://perpetuallyashley.blogspot.com/

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  14. Had a convo. the other day about how kids think things are good ideas when they really are not. I used to shove rocks from a potted plant in my house, up my nose...for fun. LoL kids are weird!

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  15. I love dividing everything by Llama. It speaks to your intelligence that as a child you were able to formulate such a complicated mathematical calculation whilst diving in a pool. I think if the Llama has been a little bit larger your calculations would have been correct.

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  16. Love the guest artwork. It gave me a tickle to see the square root of llama. I wonder what the would come out to? Fur?

    And for the record, Ms. Silva is a bag of douche.

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  17. @Melanie My most profound tip to you would be write thing that make you happy (write for yourself, people won't like things, but if you do, it makes jerky comments easier to take), be honest (or as honest as you feel comfortable being, just don't be DIShonest) and always reread for typos/errors. People take blogs more seriously if their grammar is solid, as your seems to be from the several posts I've read. =) And thank you!

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  18. As a young child, I learned that riding a bicycle at breakneck speed into a bush will cause the bike to stop abruptly and hurl me forward. I blame the boys who coerced me into doing such a trick. Oh childhood.

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  19. I learned that a bike can slide out underneath you when you're driving to fast in circle. Cool site following..

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  20. No worries, hun. I was a lifeguard for years and many kids smash their head on the ladder. Even funner were the ones who would jump in and try to turn around to grab the side of the pool. Lets just say I have seen a few broken teeth and noses.

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  21. When I was younger, I learned to look out for garden hoses when you're running around your Grandma's yard barefoot on the fourth of July. And don't trust doctors who say that you're cracked arm is not really cracked at all and give you nothing but a painfully-angled sling, then call you up the next day like "Oops, my bad. You're arm IS broken" and give you a comfortably-angled half cast. T_T

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  22. Lucy from ScotlandFebruary 8, 2012 at 8:24 AM

    A few years ago - when I was in my mid teens - I was sledging down my drive with my brother in the snow. I swerved to avoid my dad's car and instead hit my head on the house!+.+ That hurt a bit, lol. Now my mum makes me wear a cycling helmet whenever I slide down frozen hills! O.o

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