Friday, April 27, 2012

One-Uppers and Grief Shamers

While writing my post about Suffering Magnets, I came to the realization that I may be a One-Upper.

You know, those people who tell you something of equal or greater horror when you tell them something bad that happened to you?

I don't mean to be a One-Upper, it is just that people tell me something has happened to them and then, in an effort to relate, I tell a story about something similar that has happened to me, which usually tends to be a bit more terrible because, as we have established, things are always bafflingly fucked up in my life. So I hear the words just flowing out of my head and I think, 'SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP. They think you are playing the Grief Olympics.. they think you are an asshole, just shut the hell up'... but OMG it just feels so good to share grief, to remove it from your stupid jerk head and let it out into the world like a little grief dragon, to let it stretch and spread its wings after keeping it cooped up in your belfry of a brain ALL THE TIME.

I'd like to quietly listen and say, "Oh jeepers! That is just so awful, you poor person, what can I do?" but it is rarely what ends up happening. Even though I try... really really hard.

 But in no way am I trying to be a Grief Shamer.

Grief Shamers are the type of people who won't let you have a second of complaining without reminding you that no matter what you are are upset about, other people have it 7 billion times worse so you should just STFU and be glad your grandpa was eaten by a tiger because your ENTIRE FAMILY could have been eaten by A STREAK OF TIGERS EQUIPPED WITH LASERS!

I don't even believe in shaming "First World Problems."  I think sharing suffering make it suck less and there is no shame in that. So, if people wanna complain to me about Bravo's Twitter team spoiling the winner of Top Chef for every time zone other than Eastern, like a bunch of assholes, or finding that their bag of chips is lacking in delicious powdered flavor, I have no problem with that. I just have a problem if you don't want to hear about the time my Chili Cheese Fritos were kinda flavorless, too, and were full of bees that stung my throat and I had to go to the emergency room, but I couldn't get in because it was full of wolves... with lasers.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Suffering Magnets

Does everyone have these people?

The ones who pop up when you are really upset and end up making everything SO MUCH WORSE?

Inevitably, every time you're really upset there they are, like some sort of suffering magnet, ready to beat you down until you are quivering jelly on the floor with their special misery boot-imprint stamped right on your globby forehead.

It should be legal to set those people on fire.

Just sayin'.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Zelda III: A Link to the Peeps

It's time to turn in your peep dioramas. You have until midnight. Here is my last diorama.


In the game, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, there is a part where you travel through a magic mirror to the dark world and it turns you into a bunny.  I make up fancy songs when I am enjoying myself, and so the people around me were treated to a rousing chorus of "I'm a bunny, I'm a bunny!" that went along to the tune of the dark world theme the majority of the time that I was playing in the dark world.
Also, I cheat, because I knew I was having this contest and so after Valentine's day, I bought heart shaped peeps just to use in my dioramas.  I think next year's theme will be CARTOONS so now you can cheat too... if I continue with contests, that is, as these things are only fun if people play along. Otherwise, it is just stressful, and I prefer not to manufacture stress for myself.

So yeah, turn in your PEEPS Dioramas over at and check out the cool work that has been turned in already. 

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The PEEPS are a lie!

If you guessed that this is the video game that I was going to dioramacize for the CHEESEBLARG PEEPS CHALLENGE, it is probably because you are SUPER SMART and also because you have been paying attention. Congratulations!

Remember, you still have until SUNDAY to turn in your dioramas, and mine are not eligible for prizes*, because even that is a bit too narcissistic for me. Imagine how hilarious that would be though, if I made contests for you guys and declared myself the winner every time.

Anyway, without further ado, I give you:


Monday, April 16, 2012

Dr. Pants- Watching the World End : A Review... kinda.

Approximately 2 weeks ago, some version of this conversation happened:

I also informed the awesome Dr. Pants that I am terrible at reviewing stuff and fail, often, at doing things on time, despite best intentions. However, my desire to not embarrass myself by looking like some flighty jerk outweighed my overwhelming need to not prioritize things that I am not paid to do (because I am not being paid for this review, or compensated in any way, I really am doing it because their rocking concert in The Bloggess' bathroom turned me into a fan, and because I was assured that drawing songs wasn't a cop out) so here we go... BEFORE DEADLINE, BITCHES!

Watching the World End is Dr. Pants' new EP, scheduled for release on April 28, at which time you should totally go and buy the hell out of it. The EP is the third of a four-part series entitled THE TRIP.

The album is fun and funny, a mixture of funk and nerdy rock.  It consists of 6 songs, all of which I illustrated, and all of which are worth listening to. I know that doesn't sound like much of a recommendation, but as I advised, I suck at reviewing and when I say something is worth listening to, it means it is actually enjoyable and good.  Now on to my illustrations!

Robot Spiders 
This is by far my favorite song on the album because the story it tells is so much fun. Don't even take my word for it, listen for yourself!


This song has nothing to do with cats, I don't think, as it is an instrumental. I just wanted a reason to draw cat buttholes since all the cool bloggers feature cat buttholes and it makes them famous. Also, I like the idea of a living collection, because it is awful, just awful. Unless you collect cats, in which case, I don't mean to insult you, but really... there might be something wrong with you.

No Funkies

I am reminded of the hip coffee culture in my college town of Gainesville, FL listening to this song, for some reason.  It is entirely funky and so catchy I find myself singing it randomly. "We don't want no funkies in here."


Very reminiscent of Weezer, this song is, and again, catchy. It also reminds me of the 80s, probably because it stirs up my first feelings of unrequited love when, in 6th grade, I was sitting and in my closet talking to Jorge Herrera on my cheeseburger phone and I said "Oh Jorge, I like you so much, I would do anything for you!" and he said "Oh really, well, could you tell Susan that I like her!" Susan was my best friend. I said "Ok..." and then hung up and cried for a while. This song would have made me feel better at the time. Especially if I had sung it while punching Jorge in the face.

Dog -> Hurricane

There are times when the melodies in this song remind me of Ween, and that is a good thing in my book. It waxes philosophic on the Butterfly Effect in true nerd style, starting at the title of the song that uses mathematical notation, and it makes me smile.  Especially when picturing a villainous dog. I know, these damned descriptions will do you no good unless you hear the songs.  That is the point. LISTEN TO THE SONGS... when they are available, of course. April 28th!

I Am Yours

This is a sweet and intimate upbeat love song and I am a jackass for illustrating it as I do with Spiderman and Harry Potter (complete with Triwizard Tournament Trophy), but it should not be news that I am a jackass.

So there you go. I appreciate being given the chance by Dr. Pants to share this music with you guys, and I hope that you will listen to the album when it comes out and you will enjoy it as much as I did. Also, I'd like a Robot Spider when available, guys. You know where to reach me for shipping details.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Warning, Meteorites!

I honestly had no idea what this sign meant, despite driving past it countless times when driving through my friend's neighborhood. I always thought it meant "Look out for Meteorites!" You've gotta give it to me though, it DOES look way more like a meteorite than an eye. In fact, I think, when informed that it was a Neighborhood Watch sign, I actually said, "What do meteorites have to do with crime?"

I like to imagine it being left over from the Cretaceous Period. If only they had had a Meteorite watch... if only.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Matzo, Matzo, Meme.

It's Passover again, and my insides are enjoying the therapeutic effects of matzo. I have managed not to hurt myself with it this year, so far.  For those of you have never eaten matzo, beyond it being stabby, like I covered last year, it is exceptionally bland. This is most likely because it is made of flour and water, only. No salt, no happiness, just 40 years of suffering compacted into one 8 inch square.

And yet, I love it... if, and only if, it is covered COMPLETELY with something delicious, like butter. And I mean completely.  There can not be a centimeter that is not completely slathered because then, it tastes just like matzo, and matzo, it doesn't taste very good.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

2nd Annual Cheeseblarg Peeps Diorama Challenge- VIDEO GAMES!

Last year was our first Annual Peeps Diorama Challenge here at da Cheeseblarg.  Unlike normal Peeps contests, this one is judged well AFTER Easter so that we can all take advantage of half-priced candy, which is a long-held Jewish tradition (in my household, at least).

This year, we continue that tradition with:

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it (and you should), is to create a diorama (aka a miniature scene) depicting the VIDEO GAME of your choice utilizing Marshmallow Peeps (of any sort). Upload your creation to Cheeseblarg's facebook page or send it to me on twitter (@fattieart) OR place a link to your blog (with your entry) in the comments. 

You have until April 22nd at which time, the AWESOME nerd band from Oklahoma,  Dr. Pants (as seen in The Bloggess' bathroom), will be judging your entries and picking the winner.

What does the winner get?! Well, at this point, they get a used DVD copy of Pinata: Survival Island and some dryer lint, but I have and will continue to look for better prizes.* BUT beyond that, you also get your artistry judged by awesome people and all entries will be displayed here on the blarg and on Pinterest.

Examples from last year's contest:

by Kimberly Bowers
By Rhea Blackthorne
by Me!

*If you have any video game related prizes or gift cards that you are willing and able to donate to the cause, please let me know. I will plug the hell out of you for helping. Thanks!

ALSO, I have 24 votes in the Art Takes Times Square art contest. To be guaranteed a space in the show without having to pay, I need to be collected 77 times. Can we make that happen? Click collect me at the link and share with your friends so they can collect me too to get my art shown in Times Square. You can win a chance at a trip there too by voting!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

JRose in Wolf's Clothing

When I was a kid, I used to try to trick my mom into thinking I was dead. I would lay on the bedroom floor with my legs at weird angles and send my sister to go get my mom to report my untimely demise. I'd lie there, my tongue sticking out, giggling, eyes staring blankly at the ceiling as I waited for my sister to cross the expanse of our house to go get her. I don't think my sister was really selling it though because no one ever came running, it was always just a saunter in to the doorway, where she would look in, nod and then leave. She might have given me an "Oh no... Jodee is dead." in a totally unconvincing voice... but I really wasn't that great of a thespian. I wouldn't bother with blood, or bones sticking out, or vacating my bowels. I pretty much stopped at not blinking and holding my breath, all the while grinning.

Some day, I fear, I will fall and end up dead on the floor and she will find me and think, once again, that I am kidding and I will lay there rotting until someone else notices.


And once again, I am entered in an art contest that requires clicks to get me back to NYC. 
A click would be friggen awesome.
Just click COLLECT ME at the top to vote for my art to be shown in Times Square.

And tell you friends... tomorrow maybe, so they don't think it is an April Fools joke.

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